Eat Less, Be Hungry

A recent CNN.com report talked about a study entitled “Eat Less, Live Longer.” These seem to pop up everywhere, you know? “Exercise More, Live Longer”, or “Eat More Calories, Become More Caloric”, or perhaps “Eat More, Become Bigger”.

In any case, the study was on a group of mice that apparently hung around with an even age distribution until researchers picked them up for tests. The interesting part was that, quote: “Even older mice on restricted diets fare better in research.” According to Dr. Spindler, a 19-month-old mouse is equivalent to a 60 or 65-year-old human. This is roughly one mouse week per human year, and raises some important questions like:

1. Do mice have 40-week birthday parties with gag cards that say things like “It’s your birthday, so I wish you luck” on the outside, and then on the inside say “You’re 40 (weeks). You’re going to need it”?

2. Do old mice reminisce about when they were little, and they had to steal cheese by hand, and didn’t get any of “them fancy trap-snappin’ contraptions” that young mice are so completely corrupted by nowadays?

I think these are questions that need to be thought about by American citizens, simply because they kill so many less brain cells than some current music which seems to consist of one note played repeatedly on a torched cat strung on a guitar.

At the end, the article, of course, claims that aging may eventually be slowed down by taking a pill. I think all articles about medical advances say that nowadays.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go help my mice put on their dentures.

Weird, But True

It is a law in Singapore that:
"If you are convicted of littering three times, you will have to clean the streets on Sundays with a bib on saying, 'I am a litterer.' This will then be broadcasted on the local news."

The city of Gueleph, Ontario "is classified as a no-pee zone."

In Toronto, Ontario, "you can't drag a dead horse down Yonge Street on a Sunday."

"Residents are not allowed to have an Internet connection faster than 56k" in Uxbridge, Ontario.

In England "it is illegal to be drunk on Licensed Premises (in a pub or bar)", "any person found breaking a boiled egg at the sharp end will be sentenced to 24 hours in the village stocks", and of course "it is legal for a male to urinate in public, as long it is on the rear wheel of his motor vehicle and his right hand is on the vehicle."

Being more specific, in the city of Chester, "you can only shoot a Welsh person with a bow and arrow inside the city walls and after midnight", and in York, "excluding Sundays, it is perfectly legal to shoot a Scotsman with a bow and arrow."
Sounds kinda violent.

In Liverpool, "it is illegal for a woman to be topless in public except as a clerk in a tropical fish store."

Denmark: "One may not be charged for food at an inn unless that person, by his or her own opinion, is 'full'."

In South Dakota, "no horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants" and "it is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory."

Vermont law once said that "it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole."

In the same token, in Florida "if an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle."

Also in Florida, the state constitution protects the rights of "freedom of speech, a trial by jury, and pregnant pigs to not be confined in cages" and "a women can be fined (only after death), for being electrocuted in a bath-tub because of using self-beautification utensils."

Louisiana: "It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol."

Okay, that's all for today. Go to www.dumblaws.com for more...well...dumb laws.

Tabletop Discussion

In the University of Texas, San Antonio I found a stone table outdoors with this message scrawled on it:

- “The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.”

Now, I was considering writing a serious column regarding the truth and falseness of this statement, and I would have too, had it not been followed by another statement, in different ink:

- “What if you love yourself?”

Then there was:

- “Narcissist?”

And:

- “Good f***ing point.”

Needless to say, the idea of writing any sort of serious work concerning this flew out the window.

And it really is a good point.

The Return of the "10" List

10 ways to know if you’re a nerd:

1. Your room contains more CDs than pieces of paper.

2. You’ve thought about installing cooling fans in your skull.

3. You refer to your computer as ‘she’.

4. You know the difference between ‘internet’ and ‘intranet’.

5. Your graphing calculator has more programs on it than your teacher’s computer.

6. You find yourself trying to hit control+Z in real life situations.

7. Your graphics card has a name.

8. You passionately support either ATI or nVidia.

9. You know what ATI and nVidia are and do.

10. People frequently call you ‘nerd’. *wink*

(note: I can poke fun at nerds because I know I am one. For me it was #10.)

A Post on Posting

I’m feeling a need to write, so I thought I’d open up Word and just let my thoughts flow.

Ha ha ha. No, seriously, people are pressuring me to write something and post it. Therefore, because I’m a spineless wimp, I’m going to try and be funny on command. At present moment I’m on instant messenger, and I just asked someone for a topic to write about. Instead, now we’re talking about the chemistry test I took today. Fat lot of help they are.

So perhaps I can talk about the fact that some people update their online journal with every single little thing that they do. Here’s a sample:

- I’m not doing much. Just sitting here.
[posted @ 8:30:33]

- I’m still here. Now I’m scratching my head.
[posted @ 8:34:19]

- Hey, I just inhaled really deeply. Let’s see if I can do it again!
[posted @ 8:35:28]

- Wow! I did it again!
[posted @ 8:35:39]

…and so on. The only limit to how much detail they include is how fast they can click the buttons to update their journal. Someone was telling me that “it’s the little things that count”, but really, do we have to know all the little things? I’m just glad that these people don’t have laptops, or we might get way too much detail about their lives.

As long as I’m being spineless and giving in to demands, I might as well write something about missy_ly, who requested that I write something about her, though she didn’t know what. So, here goes. For some odd reason, her cell phone number was on my phone before we swapped numbers. There. Happy?

If someone asked me for all my money and clothes right now, they’d probably get them.

I still don’t have a decent topic. Now my friend and I are talking about solar flares of the sixteenth century. Not even remotely humorous.

Anyways, since my Coke’s almost done now, and I’m getting bored, I’ll leave you all with a question:

What’s a good question to end this column with?