School Answering Machine Message

I got this via email. It's hilarious; no wonder some people were offended:

This is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School (California)
Staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering
machine. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring
students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and
missing homework.

The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their
children's failing grades changed to passing grades even though those
children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not
complete enough school work to pass their classes.

This is the actual answering machine message for the school:
"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your
school. In order
to assist you in connecting the right staff member, please listen to
all your options before making a selection:

"To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

"To make excuses for why your child did not do his work- Press 2

"To complain about what we do - Press 3

"To swear at staff members - Press 4

"To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in
your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

"If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

"If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

"To request another teacher for the third time this year- Press 8

"To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

"To complain about school lunches - Press 0

"If you realize this is the real world and your child must be
accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work,
homework, and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of
effort: Hang up and have a nice day!"