Aug 28, 2005

Lightning Storms and Musical Forms

Driving home from school at 11 pm last night, an enigma next to me. Lightning storms lit up the sky in cloud-diffused flashes, and the music flowed through me, its powerful form somehow resonating with something inside me. Maybe it was the late hour, or my exhuastion from the all-day debate tournament, but as I watched the road unfold in my headlights and felt the contours of the my jade pendant, I felt as though I was in an interlude of life, and from my vantage point I could see and feel and almost touch it flowing around me, beneath me, and above me. It was an ethereal experience, never to be caught or harnessed or re-enacted. It was surreal reality.

Aug 14, 2005

Yes, Another Quiz

[ spell your first name backwards - varin
[ the story behind your user name – i really need to explain?
[ are you gay – i doubt it
[ where do you live – sugah land, texuhs
[ 4 words that sum you up at – musical, sardonic, ambitious, smart
[ Current Clothes – stanford '06 t-shirt, shorts
[ Current Hair – black, but browning in the front
[ Current Annoyance – always being wrong
[ Current Smell – sweat...i was mulching in the yard with my dad
[ Current thing I ought to be doing - continuing to mulch
[ Current Desktop Picture – this computer generated neuron thing from
[ Current Favorite Artist - Jimi Hendrix!
[ Current Book you're reading – crime & punishment: story of a russian student who goes quite far over the edge
[ Current CD in CD Player] – Jimi Hendrix: the Ultimate Experience
[ Current Refreshment - waaaaaaaater
[ Current Worry – i'm not going to get the schedule i want when school starts

Last person:
[ You Touched – my mom
[ You Talked to – my dad
[ You Hugged – my mom
[ You Instant messaged - margarita (also known as shirley temple or little one)
[ You Yelled At – lara (but it was in jest)

[ Food - that italian deal i whipped up last night...mmmmmmmm
[ Drink - something coffee
[ Color - blue
[ Shoes – flip-flops (thanks to welch)
[ Animal – dog!
[ Movie – currently, i think the best movie i've watched recently was sin city
[ Vegetable - tomato? idk, really
[ Fruit – apples and cantilope
[ Cartoon – family guy!

[ Understanding - i like to think so
[ Open-minded – in amanda's words, "towards non-destructive life-styles"
[ Arrogant – i hope not
[ Insecure – used to be a lot more than i am now
[ Interesting – why don't you find out for yourself?
[ Random – yes indeedy O_O
[ Hungry - semi
[ Friendly – i talk to strange people a lot...does that count?
[ Smart – *sigh* that's what i'm known for
[ Moody – occasionally
[ Childish – not really
[ Independent - as much as i can be
[ Hard working – yeah
[ Organized - sometimes, anally so; other times, not at all
[ Healthy – depends on who you ask
[ Emotionally Stable – i s'pose, but sometimes i have to slap myself upside the head and give myself a good talking to
[ Shy – sometimes
[ Difficult - one person would say HELL YES
[ Attractive – pssht no
[ Bored Easily - nope
[ Thirsty - right now? yeah
[ Responsible - yes
[ Obsessed – guitarguitarguitarguitarguitarguitar
[ Angry – nope
[ Sad – nope
[ Happy – moderately so
[ Hyper – not right now
[ Trusting – only to a few people
[ Talkative – yeah...think foot-in-mouth

[ Kill – nobody
[ Slap – somebody
[ Look Like – myself
[ Talk To Offline - jordan or luis
[ Talk To Online - shan! get online you lazy bastard!

[ Kisser - right, cuz i've got SO MUCH experience...pssht
[ smile – ack...this is too hard
[ eyes - jordan (that awesome cateye of yours!)
[ laugh – my sister, priti
[ story teller – ji ye!

Aug 6, 2005

The F*ck-Up

The name sounds like a Seinfeld episode, doesn't it? The episode that was too grim and depressing to be aired.

I had to do something horrible last Tuesday. And while at that point it had to be done, I could have avoided it so many times in the previous few weeks that it's not even funny. I f*cked up, big time. For the first time in my life, I burned someone badly; treated them in a way that I know the impacts of only too well. I don't even have the consolation of thinking I'm right. I know I'm wrong. I know what I did was horrible, and I know that the reason it came down to me having to do it was because of my own screwups and my own weakness. I hope it's understood that I'm so, so sorry for everything.

And all I have for consolation is senior year's summer reading about a strange Russian man gone quite far over the edge (Crime & Punishment, if you didn't know).

Well anyways, I guess I know what NOT to do ever, ever again. I'm sorry.

Aug 2, 2005

Poker Analogy

Every situation in life can be related to poker. For example:

Right now I'm in the game with a fairly large amount in the pot. There are a few other people in. I have a three-ten, off-suit. Nothing. Now the question is, do I keep betting, use more money, and stay in the game? Or would it be better for me to just fold and get out while I haven't put in too much? It's not a fun game, and it's not a very fun table. I'm really not sure why I'm even here. Every ounce of common sense is telling me to fold, but I know that as soon as I do, I'll regret it. I don't know why, I just will. There's no chance of me winning; I'm pretty sure one of my opponents has a couple of aces, but I don't want to fold. It's too painful (here's where the poker analogy slightly breaks down a little bit, I suppose). I guess I have to, though. I need to get on, move on, float on. I toss my cards to the dealer. I fold.