Calling All Angels

I need a sign to let me know you’re here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup
When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you can feel the world shake from the words that I said

And I’m calling all angels
And I’m calling all you angels

And I won’t give up if you don’t give up
I won’t give up if you don’t give up
I won’t give up if you don’t give up
I won’t give up if you don’t give up

I need a sign to let me know you’re here
Cause my tv set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me

And I’m calling all angels
And I’m calling all you angels

When children have to play inside so they don’t disappear
While private eyes solve marriage lies cause we don't talk for years
And football teams are kissing queens and losing sight of having dreams
In a world where all we want is only what we want until it’s ours

And I’m calling all angels
And I’m calling all you angels...

Never There

I need your arms around me, I need to feel your touch
I need your understanding, I need your love so much
You tell me that you love me so, you tell me that you care
But when I need you baby, you’re never there

On the phone long, long distance
Always through such strong resistance
First you say you’re too busy
I wonder if you even miss me

Never there
You’re never there
You’re never, ever, ever, ever there

A golden bird that flies away, a candle’s fickle flame
To think I held you yesterday, your love was just a game
A golden bird that flies away, a candle’s fickle flame
To think I held you yesterday, your love was just a game

You tell me that you love me so, you tell me that you care
But when I need you baby
Take the time to get to know me
If you want me why can’t you just show me
We’re always on this roller coaster
If you want me why can’t you get closer?

Never there
You’re never there
You’re never ever ever ever there...

The Connection

I almost can't believe it's been over a year since I met her.

Up 'til a little while ago, the "thing" that's between me and her has been somewhat secret information (not that anyone really didn't know, except for maybe Justin Flores), but now it's pretty much out in the open.

However, this isn't just for the almost-girlfriend. This is also for the confidant, the therapist, the late-night AIM and phone companion, and for the all around best friend.

This is for the girl who's shown me more of myself than I could ever hope to find on my own, and the girl who's made me feel more needed and loved than I ever have before.

Love. What is love? Everyone who I've asked can describe symptoms ("Love is when...", etc.) but no one can tell me what it really is. And after nine months of trying to figure it out, I've realized that I don't want someone to tell me. Because I think I've found it, or at least something like it, in this girl.

"Love is just a word...what matters is the connection it implies."

Somewhere in between visiting Italy in our imaginations at 2 AM while preparing for a debate tournament, and half-dancing in the courtyard at Scarborough High School, between improvising piano duets and perpetually duelling in ERS, I've found a bond that's way too strong to be anything normal.

I don't know if it's love; I may never know if it's love, but this connection isn't something you stumble across every day, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I love you, kid.

The Switch

Ever had someone just change on you? Not permanently change, not be forever different, but just for a little while, they're not the person you knew.

What do you do?

You can't treat them like they were before, because they don't respond the same way. And for me, at least, I sit here, trying to find the old best friend in her, but as much as I dig, it's not there. Or at least, it's buried really deep.

Do you treat them differently?

It's like talking to someone else in your friend's body, then. Like someone else wearing a really good costume. That's literally how it feels; like you're talking to some other person using her screen name, or cell phone, or face and body.

I don't know what to do. I just hope it passes quickly, because I want my Ha back.

It's Not a Game

I have just been insulted. Me and the rest of the male gender. What I just saw was something so unthinkable I couldn't have...I wouldn't have...imagined it in my worst nightmares.

I didn't think that real people could be so unfeeling. I didn't think that someone could willingly hurt someone else so badly. I didn't think I'd ever be friends with someone this callous.

I almost can't believe it. Almost...except for the tears in a girl's eyes and the shards of her heart on the floor.

So here's a warning to the rest of my gender: you'd better get your act together. Don't tell a girl you love her if you don't. Don't treat a girl like she doesn't matter. Don't screw around with a girl's heart just because it's convenient. Don't take the easy way out and run from your problems.

You see that wonderful look in her eyes? You know, when she's snuggled up to you and she looks up at you with the most implicit trust you'll ever see?

Don't betray that trust. And if you're not ready, then stay away from it. Because guys? It's not a game.

"...Maybe I'm longing in a way of love naive,
Maybe I'm desperate for a reason to believe;
There wasn't any way I thought that we would fall;
I've seen perfection in a rainbow in the sky,
I've seen a child make the coldest grown man cry,
But loving you I thought was greater than them all,
And we had it all, just you and me,
And now there's a doorway to my heart without a key..."