Explanation

I guess a lot of you want the story. Sorry, but to protect the innocent (and the guilty), I'd rather not just toss it out on the Internet. If you're really interested, ask, and I might tell.

For this blog, suffice it to say that I got burned, twice, by the same person, in the same place, and now I'm healing. I'm writing about it; not specifics, but instead general entries in a journal about what I've learned. No, you can't read it yet. Yes, you can read it when it's done. In fact, I'm writing it because I want it to be read, eventually. I'd like people to know not what happened, but why and how it happened. Again, however, it's not specific, to protect certain people.

To my friends and family: I'm sorry. I know I've been pretty annoying for the past couple weeks, and probably somewhat of a burden. In the past few months, too, I've drifted away from many of you, and only after all this happened did I realize how stupid that was. Some of you, in spite of me, did things for me that just blew me away. To those few of you especially, and to anyone and everyone who's put up with my complaining, venting, ranting, and philosophical theorizing, you have my sincerest thanks.

Anyways, I've got some music to face, and some new memories to make.

Peace.

Tales of a Small Traveller

Hi everyone! My sister, Priti, a Stanford University student who is studying abroad in Florence, Italy for a quarter, has started sending me back a batch of journal entries every week. I started a blog so these can be published online, because they're really well written and very interesting. You can find the "Tales of a Small Traveller" here. Enjoy!

Calling All Angels

I need a sign to let me know you’re here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup
When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you can feel the world shake from the words that I said

And I’m calling all angels
And I’m calling all you angels

And I won’t give up if you don’t give up
I won’t give up if you don’t give up
I won’t give up if you don’t give up
I won’t give up if you don’t give up

I need a sign to let me know you’re here
Cause my tv set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me

And I’m calling all angels
And I’m calling all you angels

When children have to play inside so they don’t disappear
While private eyes solve marriage lies cause we don't talk for years
And football teams are kissing queens and losing sight of having dreams
In a world where all we want is only what we want until it’s ours

And I’m calling all angels
And I’m calling all you angels...

Never There

I need your arms around me, I need to feel your touch
I need your understanding, I need your love so much
You tell me that you love me so, you tell me that you care
But when I need you baby, you’re never there

On the phone long, long distance
Always through such strong resistance
First you say you’re too busy
I wonder if you even miss me

Never there
You’re never there
You’re never, ever, ever, ever there

A golden bird that flies away, a candle’s fickle flame
To think I held you yesterday, your love was just a game
A golden bird that flies away, a candle’s fickle flame
To think I held you yesterday, your love was just a game

You tell me that you love me so, you tell me that you care
But when I need you baby
Take the time to get to know me
If you want me why can’t you just show me
We’re always on this roller coaster
If you want me why can’t you get closer?

Never there
You’re never there
You’re never ever ever ever there...

The Connection

I almost can't believe it's been over a year since I met her.

Up 'til a little while ago, the "thing" that's between me and her has been somewhat secret information (not that anyone really didn't know, except for maybe Justin Flores), but now it's pretty much out in the open.

However, this isn't just for the almost-girlfriend. This is also for the confidant, the therapist, the late-night AIM and phone companion, and for the all around best friend.

This is for the girl who's shown me more of myself than I could ever hope to find on my own, and the girl who's made me feel more needed and loved than I ever have before.

Love. What is love? Everyone who I've asked can describe symptoms ("Love is when...", etc.) but no one can tell me what it really is. And after nine months of trying to figure it out, I've realized that I don't want someone to tell me. Because I think I've found it, or at least something like it, in this girl.

"Love is just a word...what matters is the connection it implies."

Somewhere in between visiting Italy in our imaginations at 2 AM while preparing for a debate tournament, and half-dancing in the courtyard at Scarborough High School, between improvising piano duets and perpetually duelling in ERS, I've found a bond that's way too strong to be anything normal.

I don't know if it's love; I may never know if it's love, but this connection isn't something you stumble across every day, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I love you, kid.