Recognition

I hate this.

I, admittedly, crave praise. It's just in me; it's a part of me. But it's not just recognition by other people; it needs to come from myself. It's like I have these inbuilt standards that I have to live up to, otherwise it all sucks. Everything's just wrong. And I guess that's how things are right now.

Right now, I get recognition for academics. I'm number one in my class. But what is that, really? I know I'm going to get a spiel from a bunch of people as soon as I post this, but here goes anyways: once you're here, it's not really that great. I mean, what have I learned? The last ten years of my life have taught me how to bubble in lettered circles on an answer sheet; I'm good at taking tests.

And it's not very fun. Doing "good" in school doesn't mean that I'm smart, or intelligent, or that I know the U.S. History book by heart. It just means that I know how to take multiple-choice tests. I know the system, and even though I don't cheat, I still know how best to get around in it. But what have I learnt through all this? The system. That's all. Nothing that I can claim to be my own, nothing that's really me. Just an arbitrary "education" system.

I can't take this anymore. It's ripping me up inside. Every couple of weeks I have a bad two or three days, and they're horrible, and even though I get better afterwards, they keep on coming back. And every time, it's just more and more frustrating. Not with anyone, not with anything, but with myself. And this just isn't working for me anymore. It has to change NOW.

Merry Christmas!

...or whatever it is you celebrate. However your religion, customs, or beliefs may differ from mine, I hope that all of you get to spend time with loved ones during the holidays, and that's something that we can all celebrate together.

This, I believe, is the first Christmas I haven't really wanted anything. Sure, I want a laptop, and "someday", and a car, and a license, but I'm not expecting any of those. With my sister gone most of the year, and my dad flying in and out between here and Argentina, what I wanted most in the world, family, I got. Having all six of us (my mom, dad, sister, and both dogs) together gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. I ended up with a movie and a hat (from Argentina, no less), but this Christmas, the best present of all was my family.

Merry Christmas, folks.

What?

Close2Home: ok
Close2Home: hey-
Close2Home: wait a sec
Close2Home: ok nevermind lol

Talk about short-term memory.

Finally, Another "10" List

10 Ways You Know You're Superman:
(topic submitted by Blake Gilson)

1. You own a pair of non-prescription glasses.

2. People call you "Smallville".

3. Standing in the sun is like a quadruple-shot of espresso.

4. You are attracted to young reporters with alliterated names.

5. Emeralds give you headaches.

6. All of your clothes are about ten sizes too tight.

7. You frequently wear your underwear outside your pants.

8. Phonebooths and revolving doors give you an urge to rip off your shirt.

9. You can fly.

10. You don't need to imagine what girls would look like without clothes on...

Hope

"When you want it the most there's no easy way out,
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt,
Don't give up on your faith;
Love comes to those who believe it,
And that's the way it is."

I feel...hope.

Good things happen every once in a while, miracles occur, luck can be good too, tomorrow's only a day away, cookies come eventually, it's all worth it, serendipity is real, I'm on the right path, I AM appreciated (thank you Rachel and Iris), I have good friends, I have a specific really good friend, the end is in sight, "love comes to those who believe it...
...And that's the way it is."