Vibrrrrrrraaatoh!

On Wednesday, the drama people performed their UIL One-Act Play for the school during second period. Although I wanted to go, I couldn't, because second period is orchestra, and Mr. Soto had hired a clinician to come in and give us the help we so desperately needed.
The lady who came in was Korean. Her name, as far as we could make out, was Ms. Pizz. How much more musical can you get?
My first impression was that of a mime. She had so much makeup on that it looked rather like a mask over her face.
But Ms. Pizz was anything BUT a mime. She talked constantly, and she had this way of making weird jokes, then laughing, or rather, cackling, at them, then suddenly getting serious again. Here's something she actually said:
"This is beginning! It is most important! I tell my students, I say, get beginning and end correct, don't care about middle. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, but anyways..."
And then she'd continue on with what she was saying. It was like she was schizophrenic or something.
And another thing: she told Mr. Soto, and us, that she didn't want to conduct us; that was Mr. Soto's job. But whenever she'd tell him to start, after two or three measures, she'd either:
A. Shriek so loud that our strings spontaneously detuned, and make us stop and do something over.
B. Step directly in FRONT of Mr. Soto and take over.
C. Dance around behind Mr. Soto, conducting us herself.
The last one was the worst. She'd bob slightly up and down on her knees, and conduct in little jerky motions. But the worst part was, she'd be going at a completely different tempo than Mr. Soto. Then after a few measures:
"AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! STOP STOP STOP!!!!!!!! You all go at different tempo. This half goes at this tempo, and other half goes at other tempo. You must watch Mistah Soh-Toh!"
I wanted to scream, "IT'S BECAUSE HALF OF US ARE FOLLOWING YOU, LADY!!!!"
But I didn't, of course.
Don't take this the wrong way; I'm not criticizing her. We did get a lot done. And she's definately not as strange as the man who does the string orchestra sectionals at Houston Youth Symphony and makes bird-like spasmatic motions with his head when he plays.
Yet...
Anyways, she did get really into her job. She started chugging down water by the gallon, it seemed, and wiping off sweat every few seconds from her forehead. Her makeup mask began to dissolve and run down her face, making her even weirder-looking than before.
Now I know why some people are afraid of clowns.